Monday, August 15, 2011


THE TRANSITION



It is such a pleasure to be back to the world of blogging after so long! During the last few months, I have a number of jobs at hand to be completed one after the other; but at the same time, there is a phase of ‘transition’ going on in the sphere of my thoughts, emotions, imaginations and above all, my perception of the world around me. Thanks to my preparation for the TOEFL, I had to listen to a lecture on Psychology in which the professor was discussing that human beings can be broadly categorized as ‘thinker’s or ‘feeler’s; of course thinkers do feel and feelers do think, but one of the two processes is predominant. However, as of now, I find it difficult to decide where I should place myself, for they have been mixed up in such an inseparable fashion! Well, so let me share with you what I think as well as what I feel these days.
         
          After 4 years of life as engineering students, when a majority of my batch-mates left the campus as pass-out graduates, there was an unnoticed huge void created in the surroundings for me who decided to stay for one more year to complete the master’s degree. Now in the fifth year, when I attend the classes, cycle along the roads, eat in the mess, the scarcity of familiar faces becomes quite conspicuous. The few known ones staying for one more year were very aptly described as ‘oasis in a desert’ by one of my friends in her Facebook status a few days back. To me it seems as if I gradually settled to an equilibrium over the past 4 years and now all on a sudden I have been perturbed so heavily that I am striving to attain a new equilibrium, knowing very well that the old one no longer exists; or as if I have been subjected to a step change in the environment, the faster I reach the steady state, the better. But when we look at life as a whole, such perturbations or step changes are very frequent. In fact there may arrive numerous moments at which we will be devoid of the minimum comfort we require. So we all need to learn how to accept and tackle such hardships. Initially it is a painful task, but once we are used to it, the pain reduces, and there are people for whom the reduced pain turns into a source of enjoyment.

          I was once asked by one of my friends, “What is the ultimate thing that you want in life?” I could not give him any immediate answer, so he told me to give a thought to it, mentioning that it takes years for people to come to a conclusion in this regard. A few days back a similar question knocked my mind, “What is it that makes me the happiest?” I thought of several possible options this time, but then the difference between ‘happy’ and ‘happiest’ prevented me from choosing the best among them. However, I discovered a job which indeed makes me happy every time I do it irrespective of my mood and work-load, and that is to help people in need. I feel a sense of immense satisfaction whenever I am able to fulfill what somebody’s expectation with the very little knowledge and experience I have. The expectation may vary from an explanation of an academic topic to a gentle support in a personal matter; and I, incapable of providing an expert solution at least at this stage of life, feel contented even if I can lessen the burden off shoulder of the person at the other end. This is something that reminds me of an old saying in my mother tongue Bengali, which, when translated into English, sounds something like, “Everybody is there for everybody else, each one of us is there to serve others”. This is one of the fundamental responsibilities of an individual and also a key to an otherwise unattainable happiness.

          As a child, one of my favorite advertisements was that of ‘Complan’, in which a woman used to wonder how her son had grown up so soon when the latter used to carry her in a bicycle. The word ‘grown up’ seems very interesting as well as mysterious to me.  How do we realize that we have really ‘grown up’? It is not just the growth of limbs that count, growth is a process intimately associated with the mind. To view the interior of the mind, let us first recall the video of the song “Pal Bhar Ke Liye” in the 1970 film “Johny Mera Naam”. There we see a house with an astonishingly large number of windows and openings; the moment the heroine closes one of them, the hero peeps through the neighboring one. Our mind is just like a house with an infinite number of windows, the existence of many of which we are not aware of all the time. They are of widely different nature; some of them shiver when there is a cool breeze while some others do not bother to respond except for a devastating storm. When we are safe and protected in mother’s womb, all of them remain closed. As we are exposed to the heat and light of this world and then experience ups and downs, love and hatred, affection and rudeness, friendship and enmity, rewards and shocks, they open according to their nature. Whenever one of them opens, we feel as if we have ‘grown up’ - become wiser, more mature and more experienced.

          I agree that whatever I have said in the last paragraph is nothing more than an abstract way to visualize the mental growth. Let us take an example. As teenagers, we are the most sensitive to almost all sorts of static and dynamic forces in our surroundings. As we step into the early twenties, the sensitivity is accompanied by a subtle sense of rationality. As a consequence, this entire stage in our life becomes the period in which several windows open in a relatively short amount of time and hence there is a general transition: in academics - ‘from a student to a responsible student’ as commented by one of my professors, and overall – from a young boy or girl to a sensible and responsible human being.

           

Sunday, March 6, 2011

             WHY CAN’T I ……….?

        
          It has been so long since I posted my last blog. For the past few days I feel a bit desperate to write something new, for I have found it to be such a pleasant exercise for the mind as well as for the heart! However, I am unable to figure out what exactly I can write in order that I can convey something meaningful. Keeping wondering for days, I have finally decided to say something which may not be very meaningful to you, but to me, it means a lot!
         
          There are times which remind me of my drawbacks and inabilities. I like to observe people around me and appreciate their qualities and talents. But then what happens is that I tend to think like “A can do X, but I cannot”, “B can do Y, but I cannot”, “C can do Z, but I cannot”, “D can do X, Y, Z – all with equal ease while I cannot do a single of them”, and get depressed. It seems as if I want to be expert at everything. I want to be a devoted researcher, a thoughtful writer, a passionate singer, a spectacular dancer, a famous actor, a smart communicator and a popular entertainer at the same time! Well, for me, the natural intellect, or the so-called ‘common sense’ ceases to work for the time being and the frustration deepens. Then, in order to come out of it, I ask myself why I cannot do so many things. I seek a convincing and logical answer to this question.
                   
          Very recently an interesting idea came to my mind. Make a list of ten things you cannot do. Now go back to the first one and ask yourself ‘why’ and try to answer as honestly as possible. Repeat this for the remaining nine. You will find that your inability is because either you do not want it, or even if you want it, your desire is not sincere and so you do not put the necessary effort. When you want something whole-heartedly, you do progress in it, and the progress continues as long as the whole-heartedness survives. Quite often we start a job with great enthusiasm but leave it in the midway; whatever the reason(s) may be and ultimately we cannot achieve anything. So think beforehand what you want and always want it, even after achieving, for you can always do better and better. However, keep in mind your limitations and constraints and set the goals accordingly so as not to end up as a loser at the end of the day.
                   
          Well, everything is fine, but I wonder why other people hardly seem to be bothered about what they cannot do. I do not know the true picture, but apparently most people are contented with what all they can do and live a happy life. Where does the motivation come from? In this context, I recall one of my teachers once saying, “Suppose that you have six colors while your friend has twenty-four and both of you are painting. Never think that your painting is going to be inferior to his as you have no more than six colors. Instead, convince yourself that using only those six colors you can paint much better than him.” In a broader sense, this holds for life as well. Not everything is for everyone; you will definitely be weaker in a job compared to somebody else, and you may not be multi-talented; but you can still live a life full of joy and glory if you can see a bottle to be half-filled rather than half-empty.

Saturday, January 29, 2011


A FEW LESSONS OF LIFE


        As I woke up today following a dream which reminded me of a number of incidents occurred in my life so far, I thought of sharing with you a few apparently ‘stupid’ events each of which taught me some wonderful lessons.
         
          Life is undoubtedly God’s most amazing gift to all living creatures. Life is something about which all human beings are simply overwhelmed. I view life as the greatest teacher. Even the silliest or the most ‘obvious’ happening teaches us something or the other. Well, so let us move on to the incidents.
         
          As a little boy of six or seven years, I had a great fondness for chicken and I wanted it every Sunday without fail. My uncle made sure I would get what I wanted and not scream at others. However, as a matter of fact, others were not that fond of chicken and so sometimes he had to get chicken only for me. One Sunday, thanks to my mother, that ‘special’ thing was not there at lunch and I started shouting and refused to eat. She had to take me to the bedroom and the help of a ruler to stop me as I, being a stubborn kid, did not want to listen to and understand her explanations. Years later I realized why I was beaten that day. When you are in a group, everybody in the group is as important as yourself. Never let others fall in trouble for your own interest to be fulfilled.  
       
        In childhood, I was very short-tempered. When somebody did something other than what I wanted or tried to irritate me for fun, I used to have faith in actions rather than words to react. As a result, everybody at home and even some people in the neighborhood, at some point of time, had to see the ‘bad boy’-self of an otherwise ‘good boy’. This habit stayed with me even when I was grown-up a bit. Then came one of my birthdays when, instead of celebration, I had to go out for a mock-test as I was preparing for a number of examinations. This time it was my mother who was making ‘sarcastic’ comments about my negligence to studies, excessively long sleeps and so on. I tried to ignore her for the time being, but suddenly my ‘faith in actions’ woke up and I had my worst birthday which I could not forget even in years. That day I left without eating, and was not in a position to talk when I came back. The very next day, when my mother came to my study, she was crying. I was shocked because she never shows her tears to me. In fact, whatever she was saying the day before, though a bit hard to digest, was very much true.    
         
          Another incident in this context occurred when I was in my first year. Very few of us had computers and so those were of great demand. I was to type my user name and password to log in to ‘Orkut’ with one of my very dear friends sitting next to me, holding the mouse. While I was typing the password with my eyes away from the screen, he placed the cursor in the box against “user name”. No sooner had my password been disclosed to others than I started beating him like anything. When I realized he was just making fun, it was all over.
         
          So what did I learn? When somebody does something you are not comfortable with, do not lose your temper immediately. Instead, try to figure out why the person is doing so. Those who love you will, in general, not do anything that makes you face serious difficulties. You may not like the style, but the objective, in most of the cases, is to be appreciated.
         
          I would like to conclude with one more incident of my life. Following a good result in my tenth standard board examination, I faced the media for the first time. They asked me about the people whose contribution towards my success I would like to mention. I named my teachers and my mother. After the media persons left, my mother said, “Why didn’t you name your father? Well, he didn’t guide you in your studies, rather it was I who did, but don’t forget that he used to take you to school and tuitions and bought you the books, notebooks, pens and pencils whenever you needed.” If you consider the daily life as a wonderful drama, there are people who play the roles of character-actors rather than leading heroes. Do not forget those supporting people since, without them, the drama is never complete.      

Monday, November 8, 2010

In a “Relationship”?


        One of the various aspects of life which makes me curious is a love relationship between two people. So far I have not had any, but I discussed with many of my friends who are in a relationship. They all are in their early twenties and some of them, apart from their existing relationships, have one or more failed ones in past. My curiosity is all about what it means, how it grows and, most importantly, why most of the love affairs at this tender age do not last long. This is because I have observed many people keeping themselves involved in a “trial-and-error game” in this regard.

          What is meant by a “relationship”? It simply means that you can relate or associate yourself with somebody else. The basis of this association is, of course, love. Two people in a relationship love each other, respect and appreciate each others’ values and viewpoints and give adequate space to each other so as to feel relaxed and comfortable. However, everything else follows from “love”, which itself is a big mystery.

          There are words like “crush”, “infatuation” and “love” which sounds pretty close but are significantly different. Let me describe what these words mean to me. Suppose that X is the person you like. “Crush” means that you say to yourself, “How nice it’ll be if I’m with X!” You are reluctant to take any practicality into account and you just fantasize. A stronger version of “crush” is known as “infatuation”, where you try your best to get the attention of X and feel excited the moment you are successful. You turn crazy when it comes to fantasizing about X.

             The mysterious “love”, on the other hand, is not an element of the sky. When you are in love, you are neither over-imaginative nor impulsive. You walk slowly and patiently and try to understand X as a whole. In course of time you are able to perceive an ocean in every droplet of water you see and, moreover, you can sense whenever there is an indication of a storm. This may sound a little philosophical, so here are a few simple questions to verify whether the feeling you have for X is true love or not.        

            (1) There are certain issues about which X is worried or tensed or feels insecure. Do you realize those issues and give X the necessary support such that he (she) feels stronger, which in turn makes you happy?
         
          (2) Like everybody else, X also excels in a few areas and neglects some other matters which you think is not correct since X may suffer in future for negligence. Do you appreciate the qualities and point out the mistakes for his (her) betterment and does it make you happy?

          (3) Suppose that you give X a lot in terms of (1) and (2) above but get back either little or nil or negative return. Do you still continue to give, without expecting anything, or without ever comparing how much you give and how much you receive; just because giving makes you happy?

          If all 3 answers are YES, your love is absolutely true and sincere. But, even if you say a single NO, it is just an illusion. This is because love is all about “selfless giving for self-pleasure”.  

          Let us now come to love relationships. A “relationship” is a genuine one if and only if both the persons honestly say YES to all 3 questions because then only they will be able to truly relate to each other. Over a span of time, such a relationship will become a treasure for both of them and they will shine together in many aspects of life. But if the number of YES is less than (3+3), I think that 'relationship' is just a wastage of time (what people call ‘time-pass’) and perhaps money and nothing more than a hindrance in life.

          I would like to conclude with a few more terms I heard in this context, like (1) “steady” and “standby” boyfriend/girlfriend; (2) “back-up” and (3) the saying: “love is blind”. The first two are part of the “trial-and-error game" I mentioned earlier. I hardly have any idea of what these people think of love. The third one may have different interpretations. To me it is the “selfless giving” that I stated. It is never a drawback of love; it is the power of love!

          Well, these are all my views. But I know all people are not alike and we need to learn to appreciate the differences among us. At some points I might have become irrational or emotionally overwhelmed or some issues I might have not touched at all, the reason may be lack of experience or whatever else. Please point out those areas and let me know where you differ from me through your valuable comment.

Friday, September 10, 2010

কোথায় ছিলে তুমি এতদিন?
হঠা এসে দাঁড়ালে ধূমকেতুর মত,
তারপর পায়ে পায়ে এগিয়ে এলে-
আমার বুকে একটা হাত রেখে বললে,
“কি হল? চিনতে পারছ না?
না কি অভিমান করে চিনেও না চেনার ভান?
উঁ হুঁ, ঐটি আমার সাথে করতে এস না ভুলেও
গো-হারান হেরে যাবে ...”

বলেই তুমি হাসলে একটু
আর তোমার ঐ হাসিটুকু ...
এত সুন্দর!

ঐ একটা জিনিস দেখার জন্য কী না করতে পারি আমি!
তোমায় দু-কাঁধে তুলে ঘুরতে পারি গোটা পৃথিবী,
হতে পারি তোমার ইচ্ছেয় কখনও বক্তা কখনও শ্রোতা,
কিংবা যখন নিজের হাতের রান্না
যত্ন করে বেড়ে দাও পাতে,           
মন ভরে না তোমায় প্রথম গ্রাসটা
খাইয়ে না দিলে...

তোমার পছন্দ নীল রঙ;
এবার তোমায় নিয়ে এসেছি যেখানে-
সামনে সমুদ্রের নীল আর উপরে আকাশের,
এত সুন্দর!

আজ পূর্ণিমা-
সন্ধে থেকে দুজনে বসে সমুদ্রের ধারে বালির উপর;
ঢেউ গুনে গুনে ক্লান্ত তুমি;
রাত হছে, হাওয়া বাড়ছে, আর তার সাথে
পাল্লা দিয়ে বাড়ছে ঢেউয়ের গর্জন।
একটা সময় তুমি আমার এক্কেবারে গা ঘেঁষে বসলে;
ফিসফিস করে বললে,
“আর ভাল লাগছে না... এবার চল উঠি”

তোমার ভাল না লাগার অর্থ আমি জানি
আর সেইসঙ্গে জানি একটু-আধটু দুষ্টুমিও-
অবশেষে তাই ভাল লাগলো তোমার;
আমার কোলে মাথা রেখে তৃপ্ত তুমি ঘুমিয়ে পড়লে
আর আমি...
না, আমার চোখে ঘুম নেই-
তোমার কপাল থেকে নরম চুলগুলো সরিয়ে দিয়ে
দেখলাম তোমার উজ্জ্বল মুখটা
খেলা করে চলেছে চাঁদের সঙ্গে...
এত সুন্দর!

আরে এ কী!
চাঁদের আলোয় এত তেজ কিসের?
ভুল ভাঙতে দেরী হল না-
চাঁদ নয়, এ যে সূর্য!

আবার প্রতিদিনের জীবন-
অভ্যস্ত ব্যস্ততা, কাজের চাপ;
স্বপ্ন তো আসলে স্বপ্ন-ই!
তবু এক এক সময় মনে হয়,
বাস্তব এত রূক্ষ বলেই না
স্বপ্ন এত সুন্দর!