In a “Relationship”?

        One of the various aspects of life which makes me curious is a love relationship between two people. So far I have not had any, but I discussed with many of my friends who are in a relationship. They all are in their early twenties and some of them, apart from their existing relationships, have one or more failed ones in past. My curiosity is all about what it means, how it grows and, most importantly, why most of the love affairs at this tender age do not last long. This is because I have observed many people keeping themselves involved in a “trial-and-error game” in this regard.

          What is meant by a “relationship”? It simply means that you can relate or associate yourself with somebody else. The basis of this association is, of course, love. Two people in a relationship love each other, respect and appreciate each others’ values and viewpoints and give adequate space to each other so as to feel relaxed and comfortable. However, everything else follows from “love”, which itself is a big mystery.

          There are words like “crush”, “infatuation” and “love” which sounds pretty close but are significantly different. Let me describe what these words mean to me. Suppose that X is the person you like. “Crush” means that you say to yourself, “How nice it’ll be if I’m with X!” You are reluctant to take any practicality into account and you just fantasize. A stronger version of “crush” is known as “infatuation”, where you try your best to get the attention of X and feel excited the moment you are successful. You turn crazy when it comes to fantasizing about X.

             The mysterious “love”, on the other hand, is not an element of the sky. When you are in love, you are neither over-imaginative nor impulsive. You walk slowly and patiently and try to understand X as a whole. In course of time you are able to perceive an ocean in every droplet of water you see and, moreover, you can sense whenever there is an indication of a storm. This may sound a little philosophical, so here are a few simple questions to verify whether the feeling you have for X is true love or not.        

            (1) There are certain issues about which X is worried or tensed or feels insecure. Do you realize those issues and give X the necessary support such that he (she) feels stronger, which in turn makes you happy?

         

          (2) Like everybody else, X also excels in a few areas and neglects some other matters which you think is not correct since X may suffer in future for negligence. Do you appreciate the qualities and point out the mistakes for his (her) betterment and does it make you happy?

          (3) Suppose that you give X a lot in terms of (1) and (2) above but get back either little or nil or negative return. Do you still continue to give, without expecting anything, or without ever comparing how much you give and how much you receive; just because giving makes you happy?

          If all 3 answers are YES, your love is absolutely true and sincere. But, even if you say a single NO, it is just an illusion. This is because love is all about “selfless giving for self-pleasure”.  

          Let us now come to love relationships. A “relationship” is a genuine one if and only if both the persons honestly say YES to all 3 questions because then only they will be able to truly relate to each other. Over a span of time, such a relationship will become a treasure for both of them and they will shine together in many aspects of life. But if the number of YES is less than (3+3), I think that 'relationship' is just a wastage of time (what people call ‘time-pass’) and perhaps money and nothing more than a hindrance in life.

          I would like to conclude with a few more terms I heard in this context, like (1) “steady” and “standby” boyfriend/girlfriend; (2) “back-up” and (3) the saying: “love is blind”. The first two are part of the “trial-and-error game" I mentioned earlier. I hardly have any idea of what these people think of love. The third one may have different interpretations. To me it is the “selfless giving” that I stated. It is never a drawback of love; it is the power of love!

          Well, these are all my views. But I know all people are not alike and we need to learn to appreciate the differences among us. At some points I might have become irrational or emotionally overwhelmed or some issues I might have not touched at all, the reason may be lack of experience or whatever else. Please point out those areas and let me know where you differ from me through your valuable comment.